The hunt earlier with Dredgen had helped alleviate her initial anger, so now there was plenty of room for her feelings of guilt and frustration. She should've been the one tasked with that mission, far away from the enclave... not Praxton. The frustration built more in that she didn't even know if he was on the planet anymore. Or if he was even still alive. No, she was certain he was still alive - he was clever and strong. Raven was confident in Praxton to not do anything too stupid on his own.
Sighing, she pulled out her datapad, which rarely saw use enough anyway (and the last time she had used it she had nearly dented it when it fell to the floor while she was checking the Holonet for what made 69 such a funny number). At the very least, she could write a message to him. Maybe it would reach him eventually.
Her hands shaking, Raven put away the datapad after she had finally managed to hit 'send'. Now she was kind of hoping that it would just get lost in the deep space of the Holonet, never to be seen by anyone. That Mand'alor had said that Praxton probably saw her as a child hurt more than he might've intended... but, well, now the damage was done. In all possible ways. She pummeled the wall beside her a few times before slipping on her helmet.I don't know where you are, if you're safe, hurt, or even in the same system anymore. All I can think of is that I'm sorry - it's not right that you're the one out there, in my place. It's all my fault, and I hate that you're so honorable to take all this upon yourself without telling me. So that I'm sitting here in the dark, angry that I'm being protected while you're taking all the burden on yourself for me.
But maybe it's not so bad in some ways. I tore your brother a new one today when he called you weak. Called me weak too. And now I'm kind of expecting I'll soon be on my own again, even if Dredgen assures me that's not the case as he says that Mand'alor would've already kicked me out if that was the case. Not that you could've seen the look on their faces, but they were all pretty stunned. Not as much as I was though, as I said a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have said to him.
Not that you need to worry about me though. I've been on my own most of the time these past years anyway, and I'm not unused to the fact that hospitality quickly disappears. I always find a way to manage somehow. But to be honest, if I have to leave this place, this group, I will miss it. And everyone. Most of all you. When I think of how I should best follow the Resol'nare, I think of what you would do - you're an example to me, and should be to us all.
What I'm also trying to say is, that I respect you. Greatly. Not only as your student, or as your sister in battle, but as a grown Mandalorian woman who see a fine Mandalorian man worthy of her. Or any lucky woman really. Someone that helps make me whole, and helped me find my place in this galaxy, even if it was just for a while. Though, I understand you probably don't see it that way - in your eyes, I'm probably still just a child, and maybe this is just a child's delusional thinking.
I love you, and that was probably the three hardest words I've ever typed.
Stay safe. Return alive.
Killing some Imps would help clear her mind again, she hoped.
